Living Lies dresses

On the left is the dress Elphaba, as Cassadi, wears to dinner with Glinda in Chapter 4 of Living Lies.





















On the right is the dress Elphaba wears during her official introduction to the people of Oz in Chapter 5 of Living Lies.

On the left is the dress Elphaba wears to the ball Oscar hosts in honour of the revelation of her being his daughter in Chapter 9 of Living Lies.










Finally, this is the dress Elphaba wears to her second ball, after Oscar has returned and Morrible is safely tucked away, in Chapter 29 of Living Lies.

Broken Dreams

Hi all!

As many of you know by now, I have self-published my first book, Broken Dreams, through the platform Brave New Books. I'm very happy with the end result. I've been working on this book for about two and a half years (minus some long writer's block periods, of course) before it was finally finished and I was satisfied with it. You probably know it's been my dream to publish a book for a long time already and now it's finally happened!

It is available in a Dutch webshop, but it should be possible to order it from abroad as long as you have a creditcard. This is the link to the webshop:
http://www.bol.com/nl/p/broken-dreams/9200000039747832/
If the link doesn't work, you can also simply go to Bol.com and type "Maddy Lanslots Broken Dreams" in the search bar :).

I am currently working hard on promoting my book; I'm selling my own copies, spreading the link to Broken Dreams on Bol.com everywhere, and trying to contact websites and magazines in order to try and have it mentioned or reviewed somewhere. If you guys could perhaps help me spread the word, that would be great - and, of course, I'd love for you to buy it yourself!

Aside from everything to do with Broken Dreams, I'm working on my self-esteem issues, too. I've been talking to some people, I'm taking yoga classes, and I'm going to do an online course for more self-confidence. I'm not there yet, but getting there - at least I'm working on it now.

Let me leave you all with a quote I love:

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." 
~ Albert Einstein

Maddy

Self-Confidence (Or the Lack Thereof)

Do you ever just hate yourself, the world, and your entire life, and yet you have no idea what in the world to do about it?

That's basically what's been going on with me lately. I've had a lot of talks with a lot of people. I had to adjust some of my dreams and my ideas about the world, as well as about myself. I once again had to face the fact that despite my trying to "fake it until I make it", I literally have no self-confidence whatsoever and I'm not really sure what to do about that, either.

Publishing a book has always been a dream of mine - a dream that's now about to come true. And then I start worrying - because what if no-one likes it? What if people hate it? What if I have to give up on my dream of becoming a writer before I've even really begun to work on it?

And then there's uni. I've spent four years doing something I don't like, so what am I going to do now? Start a new study? Find a job? Am I ready for that? What else can I do? Society has all these expectations I feel like I can't live up to, which causes me to doubt not only myself, but everything around me; because from these questions about my book and about uni, I went on to, "Which of my friends can I really build on?", "Aren't I too much of a bother for the people around me?", and, not for the first (or the hundredth) time since I was about six years old, "Why do I even exist?".

Those things and more are what I have been thinking and talking about. I've been very unhappy. I kind of still am. I guess you could say I almost ended up in a pretty dark place, but I hope I'm out of the danger zone now.

Sometimes, songs and stories, awesome reviews and Hopeful Notes, optimistic blog posts and positive quotes... sometimes they just don't help. Sometimes things change around you, and sometimes things change inside of you. I hope I can leave it all behind me now as I'm going to try once more to slowly work myself up to getting more self-confidence - by trying new things on my own, changing my attitude on certain things, and, of course, by publishing Broken Dreams and to hell with what people may think.

Screw the 1st of January. My new year is starting now.

Maddy

How I'm Doing and Other Random Stuff

Hello everyone! I hope your 2015 is nice so far! :)

About Me

I seem to be doing pretty well at the moment. I finished two of the three papers I had to write for uni and I'm reasonably far along with the other one, so that's great. I'm still doing the green smoothie thing and I had some fun over the past few days, too; I played Tomb Raider: Legend, wrote a lot, and went ice-skating with friends, which was totally worth the ensuing knee pain :P.

I also went running twice this week and it was such an amazing feeling to be doing that again. I've tried it a couple of times since my knee first started hurting, but each time I had to stop again. Now, I know that even though it hurts afterwards, it doesn't hurt much worse than after a walk to the bus stop and I do that, too; so why wouldn't I pick up running again? The physiotherapist told me I wouldn't damage anything by doing it, so I decided to try. I love running outside in the cold and I'm currently keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to keep it up!

Other than that, I saw Soldaat van Oranje, which was very emotional, but beautiful as well - it's a musical about World War II. I also got a haircut and I plan on dyeing my hair again soon - black or red, I'm not sure yet - which is just a nice feeling. Like my look is changing along with my mind.

I'm not feeling entire well, despite all this. I feel restless and stressed and I'm not entirely sure why, since everything seems to be going well. I'm worrying a lot about what to do next year, after getting my master's degree, since I don't really like anything I have studied so far and don't want to work in that. I'm going to try to stop stressing and worrying so much, though. If not because it's annoying and unhealthy, then because it will make me fat, haha.

About My Writing

My first real book, Broken Dreams, is almost finished and I am so excited about it! Other than that, I'm working on a few other original things at the moment and, of course, on my fanfics. Still posting Winter Thaw, and after that, I have Until Death Do Us Part about three-quarters written at this point in time.

About Other Stuff

Songs always make me happy and I have decided to end each of my blog posts with a meaningful quote from a song, to remind myself (and maybe you, too) to be happy, to keep my head up, and to let haters hate and not care too much. I always care too much. It's one of the many things I seem to have in common with Elphaba (and the fact that I have so much in common with her was the main reason I fell in love with her and Wicked in the first place).

It's like I got this music in my mind, saying it's gonna be alright. ~ Taylor Swift, Shake It Off

2015

Happy New Year everyone!

Of course I did not only want to do an overview of 2014; I also want to take a look at what I hope 2015 has in store for me. Of course I'll keep doing what I do - writing (fanfics and otherwise), studying, spending time with friends and family - but I also have some goals and dreams for this new year!

***

Goals

First of all, I want to be more positive. I'm going to try to write a blog post every few days about the things I feel grateful for, that are going well, and that make me happy - as a replacement for the 100 Days of Happiness challenge I broke off a couple of weeks ago.

I intend to continue this thing I have going on with green smoothies and to try and adopt a healthier lifestyle in general. Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I went running again; and it just felt great to be back at it. I don't know how it will go this time. I might have to stop again because my knee hurts me too much. I will try to keep it up, though, at least twice a week.

***

Dreams

Publishing my first book is number one, of course. Broken Dreams is all but finished now, and I hope to be able to publish it soon, which I'm really looking forward to.

There are a few shows, of course, I want to see or will be seeing. On 11 January, Mum is taking me to see Dreamgirls; and in May, I'm going to see War Horse with my aunt. I also really want to see Billy Elliot while it's still here in the Netherlands, and I want to see the final Hunger Games film.

I really hope I will get the opportunity to go back to London to see Wicked again, and possibly another show (or some other shows) as well. Maybe I'll even see Willemijn, although I don't think I will be able to visit London before Women on the Verge closes; but who knows? Madame Morrible was right when she said, "Where one door closes, another opens".

I'd be nice if I'd get my master's degree in Victimology and Criminal Justice this year as well!

And, of course, I hope that I will stay in touch with all the amazing people I mentioned in my previous blog post, and meet some new ones as well. I love you all. Thank you for being part of my 2014.

Let's see what else this new year will bring!

***

I wish you all a very happy and healthy 2015! May your new year be positively emerald! <3

Maddy

2014

I know it's a bit early; but I will be gone all day tomorrow, so I figured I might as well do this now. I just wanted to do an overview of my year :). I'll try to keep it relatively short, don't worry, haha.

I was just looking at the list I made last year on the first of January - my very first blog post - and I was actually surprised at how many of those things came true! Here we go:

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Bad Things

The worst thing that happened this year was our neighbour passing away. He always lent me books about one thing or another, and he and I always baked or cooked things and brought it over for the other to taste. When he saw one of us coming home, he always came outside to ask how we were doing. He has been a big suppport for Mum after Grandma died and she was often home alone because she was unemployed at the time - he always came over to ask how she was doing and let her talk to him. He was a very sweet, fierce, chivalrous, and strong man, and we will all miss him very much. Rest in peace, Ad <3.

Other than that, of course some bad things have happened - or just things that took some getting used to, like not seeing my friend Sanne every day now that we started different masters after seven years of being in the same class/year/study. Some relationships have changed for the better; some have changed for the worse. I'm glad and grateful to be able to say, though, that not much has happened that was very bad - and if it did, it at least usually ended well.

***

Good Things

Almost everything that was on my list came true! I got my bachelor's degree in Psychology and started the master Victimology and Criminal Justice. I also saw the films, shows, and musicals I wanted to see - like Flashdance, Love Story, the third Hobbit film, the third Hunger Games film, Jersey Boys, Sister Act... I was at Musicals in Concert, which was amazing (it was particularly amazing to see Willemijn on stage again for the first time since her back injury forced her to stop with Wicked early); and tomorrow, I'm seeing this amazing Dutch musical about World War II called Soldaat van Oranje with my family, which I am really looking forward to. I am sure it will be mind-blowing.

Of course, going to London again (twice) and seeing Wicked (three times, including my first muck-up matinee and Kerry's final show) was, as always, the best thing ever. I have no words to describe the feeling I get when I see Wicked, it's just so incredible; and London is quickly becoming my favourite city. I met a bunch of awesome Wicked fans and created some Wicked fans myself as well (yes, I'm talking about you, Stan, who still cries every time he watches Wicked with me (especially about Dr Dillamond); and about you, Pien, who became a Verkaiking and even painted her bed Wicked, that's how much she loved it).

Last, but definitely not least, our short film To Do Great, Right A Little Wrong premiered in the cinema, which was absolutely amazing. It was so cool to see this film we created ourselves on a big screen and the reactions we got were all positive. It was so much fun to do this, especially with the people that were included in it all. It was absolutely epic!

***

People

Of the new people I've met, the ones that definitely need a mention are Manja, Humbie (I'm sorry, I should really stop calling you that, but it sounds/looks so funny!), and Malou. I'm really glad I met you guys!

I'm also glad that Humbie introduced me to Danna Paola and Ceci de la Cueva, the Mexican Elphie and Glinda, because they are so good; and that I saw Kerry Ellis as Elphaba live.

Of course, I'm going to have to say thank you to a bunch of old friends, too:

Mum and Dad - you have been great again this year. I love you, you are amazing.

To the Film Production Team - it has been awesome working with you guys. I enjoyed it a lot. It was a unique experience and we had lots of fun. I think we will remember this forever!

Elizabeth & Xanne-Li - you're still incredible and I still wuv you both very much.

To my Twitter friends (again Humbie and Elizabeth, but also Carlie, Annamiek, and a bunch of others): Thank you for all the (often funny... or traumatising - right, Annamiek? :P) conversations we've had; and Stephanie, it was great to finally meet you in real life!

To my Fanfiction readers/reviewers: Thank you so, so much for your endless support. It means the world to me.

Finally, of course, Willemijn Verkaik has to be mentioned - the woman who has changed my life for good and continues to do so every year.

***

All in all... I don't think this year has been a bad one at all, and I'm glad that so many of my wishes came true! Here's to another great year!

I wish you all a very, very happy, Wicked, and epic 2015, in which I hope your dreams will come true and you will experience all the love and joy in the world! Here's to us all!

Maddy

Winter Thaw ball dress

I know, I know. It's pretty tight, and just imagine it with a little less cleavage... I just thought it was too pretty not to use. And if you imagine it to look a little more modest, I could see Elphaba wearing it. Reluctantly, but still. Besides - she'd need something sparkly and pretty for a royal Lurlinemas ball!